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Arnaud Boyer, April 24 2020

Five types of girls you’ll meet in Montreal

Whenever I travel out of Quebec and say where I’m from. I always get the same line: «Oh Montreal, beautiful women eh! » or a more depraved version but with the same intent. Apparently, we breed beautiful girls in Montreal, dare I even say the best? I won’t answer that question, but I’ll do you one better. I’ll give you a brief description of all the types of young women you’ll find in Montreal. 

«Hey mister, you can’t classify women like this! Everyone is a unique individual. You’re a sexist piece of shit >:(  »

Relax Karen, this is for fun and I plan on doing something similar for the other sex. 

The preppy girl

The preppy girl gets a bad wrap. People like to imagine her as a movie villain that has the perfect life. I honestly think she’s just a normal girl that dresses well and wants to associate with other preppy people. 

Pros: 

-Her dad has an awesome wine cellar

-She has a good network #LinkedInGANGANG

-Usually beautiful and fit

-Cultured

Cons:

 -Expects you to be at the least on the same socioeconomic level

-Probably boring in bed

-May have a coke problem

-Closed-minded

-Has a questionable relationship with her dog

-Drinks only vodka sodas

The 450 

She’s the girl from the suburbs. She is in Montreal for the night or studies here during the day. She probably drinks twisted tea and works as a hairdresser or esthetician. She’s excited to be in the big city and has her own scene. You’ll find her in the dive bars of Montreal.

Pros:

-Fun 

-Good sense of humour

-THICCC

-Open to new people

-Owns a civic

Cons:

-Horrible tattoos 

-Maybe a single mom

-Drinks a lot

-She lives far away

-She thinks « La belle et le bœuf » is a great restaurant

The Bohemian

This one lives in the Mile-End. Is doing a liberal arts degree that is being financed by her parents. She gets horny for Bernie but owns an iPhone. You may call her a hypocrite, I call her idealistic.

Pros:

-Maybe good tattoos

-Owns 6 pairs of Doc Martens 

-Wears funny hats

-Has great artistic taste

-Plays the guitar

-Good weed hookup

-Sexually liberated 

-Has a nipple piercing 

Cons:

-Vegan

-Judgmental 

-Closed-minded

-Has a weird hairstyle

-Uses coconut oil as lube

The overachiever 

You know that girl that used to cry after an exam and got an A+ on it. Yeah well, this is the same girl but she’s an adult now. She seems to succeed everywhere, and you’ll know about it really quickly. 

Pros:

-Smart

-hard worker

-Has a great LinkedIn bio

-Huge sub in bed

-Has a good income

-Has a strict but hot look

Cons:

-Makes me feel insecure

-You won’t be her first priority

-She always cross her arms in a picture

-She REALLY likes to be a sub

-Will push your buttons

-Can be boring

The after-hour girl

Montreal is known to be a party city, especially for North American standards. With this type of girl, you’ll notice she’s always down to party and sometimes pushes it way too far. 

Pros:

-Has a good drug plug

-Dances well

-Has a lot of connections in the party scene

-Fit from the no food/no sleep diet

-Wild in bed

Cons:

-Definitely has a drug problem

-Will probably cheat 

-May have a few pacifiers

-Spends all her money on festival outfits

-Lots of drama and tears

-Toxic lifestyle


This is it for now. I was going to do ten, but it felt a little too long.

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If the feedback is positive, I’ll do a part two.

Please don't cancel me:(

Written by

Arnaud Boyer

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