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Arnaud Boyer, May 14 2020

THE 5 TYPES OF TOURISTS WE WON'T BE MISSING IN MONTREAL THIS SUMMER

It’s official, our summer is officially fucked. With the Rona ravaging our beautiful city, most of our summer plans are cancelled. This is terrible news but I’m the kind of guy who like to see my drink half full. Let’s talk about the positives! Montreal will be tourist-free for a while.

A city is like a cool underground bar, if it becomes too popular it probably won't be as fun. Look at Austin, Berlin or Barcelona, these cities were amazing but have been ruined by their popularity. We should try to keep Montreal a well-kept secret. The lack of tourism in the next few months will help out.

Montreal attracts a variety of tourists, some good some bad. These are five types of tourists we won’t be missing this summer.

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The F1 Guy

Do you know what is a terrible mix? Sex tourism, wealth and «car guys». You know exactly who I’m talking about. Every June, you see a bunch of middle-aged guys with their guts and Ferrari polos. 

They rent a nice car for the weekend, rev their engine in downtown traffic and smoke cigars. I don’t have anything against F1, I enjoy it. What I have a problem with is the fanbase. They are entitled snobs, at least NASCAR fans know they aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed.

I pity the F1 tourist. Imagine: You’re in your late forties, in a sexless marriage and you hate your job. All year long you look forward to one weekend. The highlight of your year is watching cars go around a track and catcalling stand girls. I think Crescent is going to survive a year without this crowd.

The Underaged American

This one is cute, you usually see these teenage American tourists partying all over Montreal in the summer. They don’t have a lot of experience and tend to overdo it. They might be obnoxious and loud but who wasn’t the first time they were drinking. As I grow older, I started looking down on the degenerate partying, so I won’t be missing seeing these kids puke in alleys this summer.

The «Osheaga Influencer»

The Osheaga music festival is the Canadian Coachella. A basic music festival with some great music which attracts an interesting crowd. From indie rock to pop-rap, there’s something for everyone. This festival attracts a lot of aspiring influencers. They usually have around 4 000 followers and have wet dreams about a Herbalife sponsorship. They are usually girls, but I’ve seen some guys also fall in this bracket. Finding the perfect outfit, hat and lighting is what they're all about.

I do respect someone pursuing their dream even if that dream is egotistical. If you think about it, taking a good picture of yourself when you’ve been rolling on molly for three straight days isn’t easy.The problem is that their content is usually as empty as their serotonin levels at the end of the festival.

The «real» French

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I like the French. I had the privilege to live in Lyon and it was great. They do tend to be condescending towards French Canadians. I always thought it was weird for a foreigner to visit my «nation» and criticize my accent. I’ve often been in a situation where a French immigrant or tourist would mock my accent while acclaiming their countries superiority. It used to trigger me but with experience and a better understanding of the French culture, I realize they don’t have ill intentions. I see it as a big brother teasing his sibling. Still, I won’t miss hearing «du coup».

The Entitled Canadian

When travelling, a good tourist will make the effort to learn three words in a foreign country’s language: hello, thank you and please. Easy, simple and respectful, not only are you showing respect, you’ll be more welcomed by the locals. So why the fuck do some Canadians, who let me remind you had French classes, don’t bother with this common courtesy.

«Well we live in an English country, we shouldn’t need to speak French»

This is such a condescending line and I’m glad I won’t hear it as much this summer.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand how important tourism is for certain businesses. 

This summer is going to be hard for so many of them. If you can, make sure to buy local and support your local business. If you know someone struggling, reach out!

Here you can find your local businesses

Written by

Arnaud Boyer

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